


Needed

by transaizen



Category: One Piece
Genre: Introspection, M/M, Post-Thriller Bark, Pre-Relationship, Self-Esteem Issues, Zoro has Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-14 04:14:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29164776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/transaizen/pseuds/transaizen
Summary: He’s lucky to be alive and he knows it.He thinks most of the crew know it too, whether they’re clear on what exactly happened or not… But the person who matters doesn’t know and that’s what counts.-Zoro does some introspection post-Thriller Bark and Luffy drops in with his own thoughts.
Relationships: Monkey D. Luffy & Roronoa Zoro, Monkey D. Luffy/Roronoa Zoro
Comments: 1
Kudos: 112





	Needed

**Author's Note:**

> Every zolu shipper gets one (1) free pass to a thriller bark fic. this was labelled "zoro has issues" in my google doc.

There’s a lot of wild weather on the Grand Line, wilder than he’d ever experienced in East Blue - a snow storm blowing in when it should be summer, gale-force winds blowing in every direction and determined to throw them off course, and even bizarre phenomena like frogs falling from the sky. Luffy, Usopp and Chopper had a lot of fun when that happened, chasing them around Sunny’s decks.

Still, sometimes, they’re lucky to get a streak of good weather when the sun isn’t too hot and the wind is nothing more than a cool breeze as it pushes them along. And right about now, the peaceful skies are a welcome sight.

Zoro’s taken up a spot leaning against the mast as he enjoys the very rare moment of serenity that’s come over the ship and crew, the crow’s nest above him providing well-appreciated shade. He hasn’t settled down to nap yet despite the sleepy calm, breathing in the ocean air and letting his mind wander.

He’s lucky to be alive and he knows it.

He thinks most of the crew know it too, whether they’re clear on what exactly happened or not. That shit cook and their new musician know, and Robin has that creepy knowing smile whenever she looks at him and he’s not surprised she found out somehow, and Chopper operated on him so  _ he _ knows what he went through… But the person who matters doesn’t know and that’s what counts.

They’d all kept their mouths shut even when Luffy had gone around asking who’d done all of that damage to Zoro with the promise of revenge in his voice. Luffy’s not really the type to hold grudges, but Zoro’s sure if they’d told him that Luffy would have sought the large Warlord out relentlessly to pay him back a dozen times over.

For once he’s grateful for his captain’s obliviousness, the inability to connect his sudden lack of wounds and pain with Zoro’s devastating injuries.

His body thrums with the echoing pangs and bruises and whenever he moves or breathes his skin pulls at barely closed stitches. He’d gotten fed up with bed rest after less than a week and no amount of pleading from Chopper could stop him from stretching his legs around the ship. Sure, he’d ended up out here, sitting on the soft grass when he knew his body would collapse if he tried climbing up to the crow’s nest, but it’s better than laying around in bed.

_ Shit, _ it hurts.

He thought he knew pain after Mihawk, after all of their fights against other pirates so far, but all of that seemed to be only a warm-up for this all encompassing  _ hurt. _

He sure has one hell of a captain for being able to go through that much suffering to protect them. How many times is it now, that Luffy’s broken his body to take out the enemies that the rest of them couldn’t?

Bashing himself against Krieg until he shattered metal as Zoro laid out bleeding because of his inflated pride. Shredding his skin alone on Arlong. And he still feels a little queasy thinking about Crocodile impaling him right through his chest with that hook of his, that Luffy would have been dead a handful of times over if it hadn’t been for outside intervention and some god-sent luck. Again, and again - Lucci, and now Oars and Moria…

It’s only fair that Zoro should shoulder some of that burden. As the first mate of the crew, it’s  _ his _ responsibility to ensure their captain stays healthy and alive. If he’d died, he would have been satisfied with that. Kuina could beat him in the afterlife for abandoning their dream, but he’d realized something - he could not achieve his dream if he didn’t also achieve Luffy’s. They were intertwined now.

Without Zoro, they would need to find another heavy hitter to stand side by side with Luffy, sure, but they’d be able to find someone. Zoro’s not that special. They’d all move on eventually. Without Luffy, there is no  _ moving on. _ Zoro’s dream would be buried with him. He could never become the greatest swordsman in the world with the shame of having the next rightful King of Pirates die under his watch.

He doesn’t regret a single choice he’s made on this journey so far and his decision to take Luffy’s pain to save his life is just another step he  _ had  _ to take. Zoro’s life is forfeit now. It doesn’t belong just to him anymore. He finds that thought more comforting than maybe he should.

Behind him, in a flurry of sound and movement, Luffy bursts out of the cabin, laughing joyously. He can hear Nami shouting after him as Luffy escapes her wrath and Zoro grins. Luffy wanders the deck in search of something to do and Zoro returns to his thoughts.

They’ve made it this far, but what would be next? What kind of skyscraping wall would Luffy have to overcome next?

He sees Bartholomew Kuma in his mind’s eye and shivers, the pain coating his nerves flaring and burning merely at the thought of him. Would Luffy be able to fight him? He’s defeated two of the Seven Warlords now but something tells Zoro it won’t be so easy from here on out.

Next time, against an even stronger enemy, will Luffy be able to simply sleep it off? Will Zoro be able to protect him again? He’s barely able to pick up a sword properly as he is now, and they’re rapidly approaching the New World. He’s weak. He’s just  _ so weak. _

Nami is needed to navigate. Sanji is needed to cook and keep their crew fed and healthy. Chopper is needed to look after them when they get hurt. Franky to keep their ship in working order so what happened with Merry won’t happen again. Usopp to be their eyes over the ocean to pick out threats before they get close. They need Robin’s level headedness and intelligence. And of course, Luffy needs a musician - he’s said so since day one.

But what exactly is he needed for?

The darkest part of himself boils angrily at his own uselessness. He’d sworn to never lose again but time and time again he’s left bloodied and leaning on Luffy’s strength to get them through everything. Maybe it would have been better if he’d died, so that Luffy could just bury him and move on to a better fighter who  _ deserved  _ to be at his side -

Luffy sits down next to him then, disrupting his train of thought. “Hi, Zoro!”

He realizes how tense his body had gotten during his mental tirade and he forces himself to relax, hissing in discomfort as the stitches pull and sting under the snug fit of bandages. He puts his palms down onto the grass to anchor himself, nodding shortly at Luffy when he doesn’t trust his voice not to waver.

“Didn’t Chopper say you couldn’t get out of bed?”

He sucks in a breath and steadies himself. “Yeah. And?”

Luffy snickers conspiratorially. “I won’t tell him Zoro’s out here then.” Luffy leans back and relaxes with him, looking up towards the sky and kicking at the grass. “You looked like you were thinking really hard about something. You’re okay?”

“... Yeah. You?”

Luffy hums thoughtfully, sitting more upright. “Well… I guess so. I wasn’t hurt at all after I woke up. I think almost everyone knows why but me and no one will tell me, not even you.” Zoro flinches at Luffy’s uncanny intuition poking its head out. “I don’t want to make anyone tell me, but...”

“You’re angry?” Zoro asks tightly.

Luffy stares at the sky. It feels wrong for the younger man to be sitting down as still as he is, without his usual boundless grin and energetic movement. Luffy’s always been in perpetual motion as long as he’s known him. Running, jumping, tilting his head curiously, waving his arms as he speaks, always bursting with energy - honestly, Zoro isn’t sure where he packs all that energy away or how he can possibly keep going when even half of that amount of energy would have knocked him into a serious nap. But now Luffy’s still.

Zoro wouldn’t tell him even if he asked. He’s glad Luffy’s seen that, even if it ends up creating a rift between them. Some things cannot be said.

Luffy would forgive Zoro for making that selfish choice but he wouldn’t forgive himself for putting Zoro in that position in the first place, and Zoro just couldn’t have that happen. Luffy isn’t at fault for this. Sometimes sacrifices need to be made and Zoro is nothing if he can’t submit his meager life for something - someone - more important than him.

“I don’t want to make anyone tell me,” Luffy repeats meaningfully, opening a spot for Zoro to confess.

He feels a little ill. “I can’t.”

They return to silence. Zoro tries not to fidget.

“I get it. If you can’t then you can’t. I’m not mad,” Luffy says finally. A weight lifts off of Zoro’s shoulders. “This… is something I don’t need to know about. Zoro would tell me if I did.”

Without meaning to, he breathes out a sigh of relief. It’s the same sensation he’d had when he’d faced off against Mihawk and refused to step back even when that small blade had been pressing in close against his heart. Something critical in him would have been lost if he’d given in and then he’d really be completely worthless, wouldn’t he?

“Thank you, Luffy.”

“Mhm. But, listen!” Luffy turns to him with a severe look on his face. “Zoro’s not allowed to die. Even if you die, don’t die! I can’t become the Pirate King without you!”

He rubs a hand idly over his chest - it hurts. It’s a good ache though, he thinks. It feels warm. It feels like a fire warming him during a dark night. It feels like  _ Luffy. _ He laughs and ignores the stitches pulling. “You’ll get by. The witch and shitty cook won’t let you down.”

“No!” Luffy says vehemently with such force that Zoro leans back. “I need Zoro too. Don’t die - those are Captain’s orders!”

Zoro blinks and swallows past a suddenly tight throat. “Y… Yeah. Alright. I won’t die.”

Luffy examines him carefully. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Zoro affirms.

“Good.”

For a moment he expects Luffy to jump on him and hug the living daylights out of him, maybe literally based on how far he’s pushed his body already just getting out here - and wouldn’t that be funny, Chopper having to resuscitate him from a  _ hug _ of all things - but then Luffy settles back down and instead puts his hand over Zoro’s, squeezing gently.

Zoro laughs again, at himself. All of that hot air about surrendering his dream and life for Luffy destroyed by Luffy himself. He hasn’t disobeyed Captain’s orders before and he won’t start now.

He has no choice other than to live now. Is this how Robin had felt?

His chest hasn’t stopped aching and he feels a stinging pain in his throat and eyes and he has to swallow down the tears threatening to brim. He turns his hand over and hold’s Luffy’s back, watching him beam a smile at him before turning back to look over the sea.

His chest is aching but it’s a damn good ache.

**Author's Note:**

> not to write a meta essay but I really think Zoro has some genuine self-esteem issues when it comes to the value of his own pride, dream, and life if he thinks they're getting in Luffy's way and has shown multiple times he'd throw them all away to keep Luffy safe... Zoro probably has never actually thought very in depth about it because they're all such impulsive little bastards but I wanted some angst.


End file.
